Day 2 – Desire

3:45 pm – 4:45 pm – Wednesday, September 2, 2009

 

 

 

Desire /  Desired Socialization

 

yes

i want to socialize desire

between womyn and womyn

 

i want to walk into a cafe and

not have to divert my eyes

from those of the girl at the end of the line

who turned and within a flash of 2 seconds

looked me up and down

without a smile

 

i want to glide into that same cafe

and not

see the young womyn

seated at the window

for all the sexy things she is

in comparison to what i am not

 

in an eye flutter of 3 seconds

did i not

notice her short skirt and tall boots

while reminding myself i am too pale

and could not pull off

that same look in a short skirt and tall boots

unless i lay out longer and workout a little harder?

 

and we do this all the time

conscious and sisterhood-loving as we are

my gyrlfriends and i readily

have the candid conversation on

the checking

and

the competition

that thrives between womyn

 

or the comparisons

we make to judge ourselves against

someone else

as we cut ourselves down

and time and time again

attempt to reckon definitions

of what is prettier

sexier

youthful, even

 

i can only whirl

through decades past

and growing

up without

a taller frame

deeper, wider eyes

 

without

fuller hair, straighter teeth

thicker thighs, thinner waist

(Baby Guess and Jordache jeans)

all those things

it seemed

made a girl the best girl

she should be

 

what made

a girl a girl

was the ability

to be

an

object

of desire

 

and

not a girl

to be desired

by me

 

no

our beauty pageant lived

in the landscape

of pink and blue

kindergarten weddings

homecoming queens and kings

home-ec family exercise with fragile egg offspring

brought to the realities of life management

by pseudo husband and wife

 

memories of socialization

render endless recollection…

 

and never did an auntie utter the question,

“so do you have a girlfriend?”

and never did an uncle ask,

“did that nice girl ask you to the dance?”

and what if they had?

and what if it was okay?

and what if that was typical?

 

so i am saying

yes

to desire

 

 

yes

to

queerness

 

 

yes

to an unrelenting

curiosity between us

 

 

this is a campaign

to be fearless

with the love that does happen

among us

and a way

to stop

the checking, competing, and cutting

that happens between a

woman and a woman

every minute

of everyday

at some cafe

or on some street

or bar

or rally

in any given

neighborhood near you

 

so that maybe

the gyrl

in the line

at the side of the counter

might

stare

with the

desire

to find parts of me

beyond how she compares

 

so that maybe

the gyrl seated at the window

might catch

me

looking back

at her

with

a gaze of

desire

instead of the darting eye of insecurity

 

tell all of our gyrls

spread the practice

far and wide

 

seek

uncover

and

draw out the light

 

 

that

from the

best

in a womyn

which

we know

lies

deep

underneath

her

skin

 

you might be my friend and teacher

you could be my muse, my lover

you are definitely and always my sister

 

yes

you only have two options

in

my

arena

 

you may be

queer

or

curious

with me

 

 

desire to know

me

 

or simply,

desire me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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About traciakemi

traci akemi kato-kiriyama - inter/multi-disciplinary theatre/performance artist, arts educator, cultural worker, community organizer. Tuesday Night Project; theatre, performance, writing, and teaching projects with many organizations and artists including: zero 3; Edge of The World for Asian Arts Initiative in Philadelphia and the National Asian American Theatre Festival in New York; "PULL" with Kennedy Kabasares in San Francisco; Nobuko Miyamoto and Great Leap Collaboratory I; TeAda; NCRR; Oymun's 11. Playwright for "Chasing Dad - a performance of a reading about a play i'm writing" presented by Inside the Ford for the Ford's Summer Playwright series. View all posts by traciakemi

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