Day 14 – (p.o.m.)

Monday, September 14, 2009
Day 14
7:00 pm – 7:55 pm

(p.o.m.)

little Thelonious Oliver
comes out from
underneath the bed
on those mornings
I get up before him

with his golden eyes
blinky blinky and half-open
his legs are still surefooted
he is determined
and quite wily

he is completely
irresistible when he stands
against my legs while i’m
barely awake
sitting on the toilet

i wonder if he was
instructed before coming
in to my life
that he is to do this
every morning

it is as if he knows of my
ritual with Kitti when we first met
sitting, watching me
both of us barely awake
in the bathroom

morning after morning
day after day
for so many months and years
at least
in the beginning

i am not sure if we out grew
this daily practice over time
or because of going from
one move to another
changing the scene and energy

maybe the ritual changed when
i decided at my last apartment
to keep a bedroom “cat-free”
for the introduction of a new
partner and a new kitten

maybe Kitti lost faith in me
when i wouldn’t let him sleep
with me in the bedroom
maybe that is exactly when
our patterns changed

when i changed our patterns

suddenly was i gone all the time
suddenly was i paying attention
to this new kitten that i had
wanted to be his buddy
but he didn’t want a buddy

he just wanted Mommi

suddenly maybe that is when
is that when it was
that he seemed to be mad at me
all the time or maybe he wasn’t
mad at me all the time

i just have a hard time remembering

last night i was putting his picture
in a frame the vet sent to us
after we notified them of the evening
we had to put Kitti down
it is a lovely frame

carved wood with the name Kitti

the picture we chose was Kitti
at a good time in his life or so
he seemed to be some two years ago
strong and striking as ever and
obviously outside where he was king

i put the frame next to his cedar box

and suddenly i was doing
everything i could
to recall where exactly he would be
in the house when i would retire
to the bedroom without him

where was he when i closed the door

sometimes on the couch
sleeping probably wanting me to
stay
or take him with me
sometimes outside or on a chair

i wonder what he was dreaming

there is no way now for me
to know what he was thinking
but we all knew that he
always loved being
around people

as opposed to being alone for very long

but reasons
that once made sense
don’t always live long enough
to be useful in hindsight
and memory

i think i thought the two cats had each other

he never ended up cuddling
with the younger one
the way i hoped he
might if he became
the big brother to Peanut

cats don’t really work that way

and here we are again
Peanut now the older
but no more the wiser
to this little kitten who is
always tackling him

hopefully we’ll benefit from a change

it is the privilege of the
ones who are left to receive
better for the mistakes
of the past
and all i know now

the bedroom door stays open

traci kato-kiriyama

(p.o.m.and you loved each other)

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About traciakemi

traci akemi kato-kiriyama - inter/multi-disciplinary theatre/performance artist, arts educator, cultural worker, community organizer. Tuesday Night Project; theatre, performance, writing, and teaching projects with many organizations and artists including: zero 3; Edge of The World for Asian Arts Initiative in Philadelphia and the National Asian American Theatre Festival in New York; "PULL" with Kennedy Kabasares in San Francisco; Nobuko Miyamoto and Great Leap Collaboratory I; TeAda; NCRR; Oymun's 11. Playwright for "Chasing Dad - a performance of a reading about a play i'm writing" presented by Inside the Ford for the Ford's Summer Playwright series. View all posts by traciakemi

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