Day 20 – flesh

Sunday, September 20, 2009
Day 20
12:18 am – 1:18 am

flesh

because she was using a dull knife
and that would be harder
to cut through her skin
or
because she was using
a recently sharpened knife
and it would be a cleaner cut
or
because she was
cutting a slice of fish cake
and fish
reminded her of the word
flesh

that is why she
thought to cut herself
through the edge of her hand
not quite at the wrist

just the moment
before
she had
accidentally
nicked the skin
underneath her
last knuckle
without notice
until
blood surfaced

she wondered
what would it feel like
to cut skin
while paying attention

would it
all of sudden
be alarming
or painful

could she do it

she was not pondering
what it would be to cut herself
to devise death
to symbolize sacrifice
nor
because she wondered
what that cutter friend of hers
goes through while
sitting in a bathroom
with a knife in his hand

she simply
wondered
what it might be
to cut herself
just
because

thus a dare arose

not from any one else
of course
there was no one else
in the room

she
should
could
would
go ahead

Yes,
if the blood from
the nick
clots before it falls
off her hand

No,
if the blood
runs down
and drips
off her hand

it made sense
in the way
some
thing
must make sense
for instantaneous
decision-making
in sprung ideas

now surely
as soon as it
became a dare
the cutting
became
too conscious
an act

wouldn’t it be
ill-advised
or downright
idiotic
to go through with it
just because
blood dripped
from her hand

or would it be
dishonest
or cowardly
to change her mind
if it did not

couldn’t
she keep
to her own rules,
she thought

thinking
so much
about
thinking
was making
this whole proposition
less exciting

or maybe
she
needed to
convince herself
of just that

she
did
only a moment
ago
set and agree to
her own rules

but
suddenly
it felt less like a
beautifully
rash moment

a split second
in which to
do
without thinking

and
would she have

maybe she would have

but

just enough
too much
blood
flowed out
from the skin
underneath her knuckle

the blood
formed a droplet

it
ran
down
the side
of her hand
and
fell off
the
tip of her pinky
and
on to
the
cutting board
and
she
put
the knife

down

tkk

(u.)

Advertisements

About traciakemi

traci akemi kato-kiriyama - inter/multi-disciplinary theatre/performance artist, arts educator, cultural worker, community organizer. Tuesday Night Project; theatre, performance, writing, and teaching projects with many organizations and artists including: zero 3; Edge of The World for Asian Arts Initiative in Philadelphia and the National Asian American Theatre Festival in New York; "PULL" with Kennedy Kabasares in San Francisco; Nobuko Miyamoto and Great Leap Collaboratory I; TeAda; NCRR; Oymun's 11. Playwright for "Chasing Dad - a performance of a reading about a play i'm writing" presented by Inside the Ford for the Ford's Summer Playwright series. View all posts by traciakemi

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: