Day 312 – choking ghosts; oatmeal cookie; breath

Friday, July 9, 2010
Day 312
6:18 pm

choking ghosts

at times
ghosts press me down
into a vision through nightmares
i try to breathe
try to wake up
i know i am sleeping
but i can not move

this morning
i wasn’t meant to

darkness held me down
to see faces right next
to mine
slow to fast to rapid-fire
lying on their side
on their back
facing up
facing me
some with eyes open
some shut

all of them were hurt

i wanted to move
farther away to have
a better look
wanted to look them
in the eye
wanted to slow it down
wanted to get up

i was attached to them
their heads were
my face were
their eyes
and we shared
the same neck

there was a larger
presence pressing us

i only awoke
when i realized
i had to think
had to use every fiber
of my being to
i had to take control
and choke the ghosts
were choking me

i had to brace myself
to breathe

and so i did

and just like that
they were gone

and i was

and breathing

it is just that hard
at times
to move
to gear up
to take control
to brace ourselves
the allowance of breath

to see that breath
is a gift


oatmeal cookie

i am about to place an oatmeal
cookie in front of your picture
light 3 sticks of incense
sing you happy birthday
introduce you to my kitten
tell you where i ate today

it was inadvertent
but we ended up at Rascal’s
and i just remembered
that’s where we ate
after the last time you
came out of the hospital

and i never thought about
it until i was sitting there
but that is the last place
where we ate out together
i like the fries
you like the burgers

but it was your face, your
big smile when you ate
an oatmeal cookie i brought
you on some other regular day
that made me search the city
to bring this to your altar



breath is a gift
is awareness
is necessity
is hesitance
is hastiness
is pause
is acknowledgment
is sorrow
is sickness
is shock
is power
is righteousness
is theatre
is agreement
is disbelief
is a tell



About traciakemi

traci akemi kato-kiriyama - inter/multi-disciplinary theatre/performance artist, arts educator, cultural worker, community organizer. Tuesday Night Project; theatre, performance, writing, and teaching projects with many organizations and artists including: zero 3; Edge of The World for Asian Arts Initiative in Philadelphia and the National Asian American Theatre Festival in New York; "PULL" with Kennedy Kabasares in San Francisco; Nobuko Miyamoto and Great Leap Collaboratory I; TeAda; NCRR; Oymun's 11. Playwright for "Chasing Dad - a performance of a reading about a play i'm writing" presented by Inside the Ford for the Ford's Summer Playwright series. View all posts by traciakemi

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