Day 312 – choking ghosts; oatmeal cookie; breath

Friday, July 9, 2010
Day 312
6:18 pm

choking ghosts

at times
ghosts press me down
into a vision through nightmares
i try to breathe
try to wake up
i know i am sleeping
but i can not move

this morning
i wasn’t meant to

darkness held me down
to see faces right next
to mine
flashing
slow to fast to rapid-fire
men
lying on their side
on their back
facing up
facing me
some with eyes open
some shut

all of them were hurt
maimed
or
dead

i wanted to move
farther away to have
a better look
wanted to look them
in the eye
wanted to slow it down
wanted to get up

i was attached to them
their heads were
my face were
their eyes
and we shared
the same neck

there was a larger
presence pressing us

i only awoke
when i realized
i had to think
differently
had to use every fiber
of my being to
focus
i had to take control
and choke the ghosts
who
were choking me

i had to brace myself
to breathe

and so i did

and just like that
they were gone

and i was
up

and breathing

and
it is just that hard
at times
to move
to gear up
to take control
to brace ourselves
for
the allowance of breath

to see that breath
is a gift

tkk

oatmeal cookie

i am about to place an oatmeal
cookie in front of your picture
light 3 sticks of incense
sing you happy birthday
introduce you to my kitten
tell you where i ate today

it was inadvertent
but we ended up at Rascal’s
and i just remembered
that’s where we ate
after the last time you
came out of the hospital

and i never thought about
it until i was sitting there
but that is the last place
where we ate out together
i like the fries
you like the burgers

but it was your face, your
big smile when you ate
an oatmeal cookie i brought
you on some other regular day
that made me search the city
to bring this to your altar

tkk

breath

breath is a gift
is awareness
is necessity
is hesitance
is hastiness
is pause
is acknowledgment
is sorrow
is sickness
is shock
is power
is righteousness
is theatre
is agreement
is disbelief
is a tell

tkk

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About traciakemi

traci akemi kato-kiriyama - inter/multi-disciplinary theatre/performance artist, arts educator, cultural worker, community organizer. Tuesday Night Project; theatre, performance, writing, and teaching projects with many organizations and artists including: zero 3; Edge of The World for Asian Arts Initiative in Philadelphia and the National Asian American Theatre Festival in New York; "PULL" with Kennedy Kabasares in San Francisco; Nobuko Miyamoto and Great Leap Collaboratory I; TeAda; NCRR; Oymun's 11. Playwright for "Chasing Dad - a performance of a reading about a play i'm writing" presented by Inside the Ford for the Ford's Summer Playwright series. View all posts by traciakemi

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