Day 93 – Scale – 17 – birth

Thursday, December 2, 2010
Day 93
12:55 am

Scale – 17 – birth

i keep having dreams early each morning
about my dad entertaining people, running
around the room singing and dancing and
smiling at everyone smiling back at him

sometimes part of me knows i’m sleeping,
so i sing along, over and over and i swear i’ll
remember the whole song, note for note, by
the time i wake up, i’ll recall everything

usually the songs are familiar ones, the ones
he loved to sing over and over, even in to his
final days, whistling, humming, wanting people
to stay longer so he could turn on the karaoke

but mom felt he needed rest and would send
everyone away before he could get to Love
Me Tender and i’d sit there wondering if we
had ever videotaped him in his younger days

like the way he was in my dream from today,
in the body of someone unfamiliar yet it was
his voice prancing around in a young body,
like he was so excited to be a kid again

as sure as i was to remember every second,
the dream, the song, the singing, all of it just
vanished as soon as i sprang out of bed, all
i could see were his glasses, his smile, but

that was it and not enough, i wanted to hear
the song, so i could write it down and sing it
it out and replay it over and over, and that was
when i thought of birth, of being so close to

a feeling of renewal in a moment that my mind
fabricates when i have no chance of interference,
that if i fail to remember the song, how forcing
myself back to sleep is like me wishing to

be born there, over and over, where it feels like
we are meeting and i have a chance, to record,
to never let anything rest or die, to make what
happens only once sustain its occurrence

as much as i would like to believe i live with
no regrets, i sometimes see myself jumping in
to the beginning of a cycle or simply cycling
back to birth a feeling i will never have again

tkk

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About traciakemi

traci akemi kato-kiriyama - inter/multi-disciplinary theatre/performance artist, arts educator, cultural worker, community organizer. Tuesday Night Project; theatre, performance, writing, and teaching projects with many organizations and artists including: zero 3; Edge of The World for Asian Arts Initiative in Philadelphia and the National Asian American Theatre Festival in New York; "PULL" with Kennedy Kabasares in San Francisco; Nobuko Miyamoto and Great Leap Collaboratory I; TeAda; NCRR; Oymun's 11. Playwright for "Chasing Dad - a performance of a reading about a play i'm writing" presented by Inside the Ford for the Ford's Summer Playwright series. View all posts by traciakemi

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